Random road to 50

you told me all my writings are sad,
if only happy was the only feeling i ever had,
but then again I can write some good things about you
but that would be banal because compliments follow you
i'll start to write something good about myself,
but if i start explaining about me then you would recommend me some mental help,
lets start from the top,
i'll clarify one thing, i'm not the cream of the crop,
first impression was never my expertise, not even now,
but don't count me out yet I haven't taken my bow,
the fat lady hasn't sung, she hasn't even taken the center stage,
consider i'm the book, and you haven't finished the first page,
i generally talk random, most of it is erratic,
they are triggered in my brain where the thought process is sporadic,
i may not have reached the top, i may not have a spotlight,
i wont be going down so easy, not without a fight,
words are temporary, you read it and forget it,
but the words will be remembered if you actually did it.
i won't start an inspirational banter, i'm not that of a bore,
its hard to judge a bird not until it soars.
it may be an eagle or a falcon whose ascent will always grow,
or it maybe a backstabbing traitor like your ordinary crow.
here i go again i went back into my animated mind,
its just too interesting in there, its one of a kind.
i don't know where i'm goin with this or where this will end,
i said the truth, coz its meaningless to pretend.
the fact that i wrote this whole thing was just to see,
how well can I write, I was just testing me,
I know its not the best I've written nor does it come close,
but its my 50th verse so I'll strike my victory pose.
i don't know how much can i write or how well it'll be,
but I reached a milestone, and I'm glad that you're here to see.